For the last part of this blog series, please click here.
I had my +1 recently, and it was obviously another season to look back. Bad memories stood out the most, but what I did differently this time was to focus on how God turned these bad events around for me.
"TIIS." For most of my childhood, I grew up having to endure and making do with things. "Tiis" (to endure or persevere) is the word I put the most emphasis when I did my interview with a public affairs show on ABS-CBN some years ago. "Tiis" or its noun form "pagtitiis" may have been the theme of my life, and these are just some of the examples.
Having my first cellphone and first laptop were not as easy as many of peers did. I did not have a cellphone until age 16 - at fourth year high school. It was a Nokia 6070 handed down from a good and supportive aunt and it did make my life easier communicating with my classmates, thanks to unli-call and unli-text promos at the time. As for my first laptop, I practically "begged" for it from a Filipino engineer-businessman who I worked for as a newbie translator whenever he visits China to shop for electronics. He handed me his son's old laptop running in Windows XP and with very limited disk space. That was in early 2011 and it kept me company through many PowerPoint presentations, thesis crunches, and my eventual entry into the professional teaching world. I had it retired in 2016 when I finally bought a brand-new, yet not-so-high-end laptop.
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| I was transferring files to the USB from my very first laptop. This was when I finally bought myself one that is brand new. |
How did I survive school without cellphone and laptop for some time, you might ask. My older brother has his cellphone, so my classmates and other close peeps send their text messages for me to his cell. And I was able to finish school works through the kind-hearted peeple God used as His instruments: during my high school, one family whose daughters are my classmates opened their doors and let me use their computer; and in my first months of college in China, my Malaysian roommate offered me to use his PC, not only for my homework, but also for accessing Facebook (don't ask me how) and watching movies whenever he's not around.
Then perhaps, this is the most humiliating part of my childhood. (I am having a hard time composing this BTW.) My Type A uniform during my Boy Scout days. At first, I had my older brother's oversized top and shorts, which I wore in my first outdoor camp. No issues there, but the next Type A uniform that I got, another hand-me-down from my cousin, I outgrew it, the hems of the shorts were above my knees, the socks were with holes, and yes I was coming to school every Monday with that attire as boy scouts were assigned to facilitate the flag-raising ceremony. It became a subject of ridicule by one of my senior patrol leaders at one point. I want to retaliate but can't.
A new design of Type A uniform came out. So, one Monday of October, the Scouting month, the flag ceremony was dedicated for awarding, and we were supposed to don Type A uniforms for the event. I did not show up. While we can wear the old design, out of shame, I refused to wear those and went to school wearing my school uniform instead, and made sure my leaders did not see me before the flag ceremony starts. During the awarding, I remained in the classroom with a couple of classmates who did not go down to watch the ceremonies. I heard my name called a number of times for the handing of certificates, but no wild Pokémon aka Joemar Colinares appeared. I cannot recall if I was reprimanded after the fact, but what I do remember was many classmates were shocked when they found out I was in the classroom all along.
When it was my turn to provide for the family, I made sure my siblings' needs in school are met. Tuition fees, by God's great provision, they are never unpaid! Type A uniforms, I remember tagging my younger brother along rushing to the Scout shop in Ermita so that we can have a brand new set of uniform which we would be wearing the next day! Laptop, though expensive, but are provided! The rubber shoes I bought for them are brand new and branded, which I never bought for myself, not even once, up to this day. I always buy from Divisoria or go thrifting and choose the best from an array of secondhand original shoes from the US.
And you know, the greatest consolation perhaps, is that my younger siblings knew the value of saving up money for goals now that they are grown-ups. I never had a pep talk to coach them about finances, but they know what to do with it because pretty sure they had episodes of "pagtitiis" themselves. One example I appreciate the most is that my younger brother has learned to save portions of his allowance to buy his own cellphone and some needs for his personal computer.
UNPLACED, DISPLACED OR MISPLACED? First, I need to make this straight: as far as I know, I am a Filipino: tunay na Pilipino sa isip, sa salita, at sa gawa (true Filipino by thoughts, words, and deeds).
But, I was educated in Chinese schools and studied Chinese language for seventeen years.
The why there was my parents were working for Chinese-Filipino businessmen in Manila, and the closest school to our home was a Chinese primary school (now closed). Our lady helper at the time suggested to my mother to enroll my older brother in that nearby Chinese school (Now I know who to blame HAHAHA jk!). Mama, thinking that by learning Chinese, we can have better opportunities just like her bosses, agreed to the idea.
Accepting pure-blooded Filipinos in Chinese schools was considered revolutionary in the early 1990s (cue Jurassic Park theme music). There were understandably some hesitations because none of my parents can speak Chinese to guide my older brother, but the school decided to accept my brother anyway.
Six years later, it was my turn to enter preschool in that same school obviously, and that was the beginning of my seventeen years of learning Chinese as a foreign language.
Fast forward to my elementary school graduation, if I were to decide for myself, I do not plan to continue studying Chinese. I already had aspirations of becoming a teacher, a Math teacher, so Chinese language should be out of the equation. My mother was actually thinking about me entering a science high school, but all plans changed when the primary school I was to graduate from was bound to shut its doors for good, and one Chinese school that has integrated elementary and secondary education offered for a formal merger. So our elementary school principal brought many of us to the new school, thus, continuing my Chinese studies there. I don't know if this is only by chance, but the merger occurred when I was transitioning from grade school to high school. So, goodbye to science high school.
The continuity of my academic scholarship was secured, that's why I remained to study in a Chinese school, and this arrangement extended up to my college years, but via a very different setting: I have to be in China for the four-years bachelor's degree full-time scholarship. You can check out my other post for that topic, but basically, I accepted it for practical reasons.
Coming back to the Philippines after four years of college to finally teach, I was pumped because at long last, I would be living the dream! I was excited to share what I know and to potentially touch the lives of my students, just like how Ms. Yamaguchi portrayed her teaching profession in Gokusen series. However, I was very idealistic and got easily frustrated when things do not go well as expected. I thought I had the same influence as Ms. Yamaguchi, that while everyone doubted her capacity, she proved them all wrong with her actions and by actually caring for her students. But that thought remained just a thought, and it took me eight years before I finally let go of my aspirations in the Chinese education and in the education field as a whole.
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| The best Japanese TV series for me. Got idealized by this though. |
It's not a lost cause, however. I had a brief stint in call center job and am currently working for a global IT company, both of which I used my Chinese language skills as my ticket to the corporate world.
There were times I pose questions to the Lord, is this it? The seventeen years I had in studying Chinese, eight years spent in teaching Chinese, and now that I am outside the Chinese education circle, really got me puzzling up to the moment I am composing this post. Sorry for reiterating, I am a Filipino, and after years of doing Chinese education, it made me realize that that career should be foreign to me, especially when ethnicity and stigma are on the table. Yeah, peeple are going to applaud you when you speak their language, but blood is thicker than water. I'd seen eyebrows raised and heard audible sneers. That is all what I can give away.
In retrospect, had I chosen to stay true to my Mathematics cravings and become a Maths teacher instead, perhaps I would feel more accomplished in my teaching career by now. I know Maths teachers are always in demand, either school wants them or parents want them for private tutorials, so I should have more paths to take.
To be clear, I am very grateful with the skills and opportunities He gave me, and I am fine should I end up retiring in my current workplace, but my Inner Core is telling me that my Chinese learning background and my prospects in life are yet to add up.
Add up to what sense and form? I am shaking my head; I honestly do not know, and I shall continue to wait on God to do His ways. Well, I'm gonna talk more about my career change in another section of this blog post, so please carry on reading.
Continued in Part Two.
MINI BLOG PLUG.
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STATEMENT ON AI USAGE.
I did not use AI in the making of this content. Everything on this post is 100% mine.
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