My Inner Core involves the only mortal thing that can completely comprehend me: my own tiny brain. Most of the time, it is my best buddy. I like sending my thoughts to it and it does process all the ones and zeros that had transpired that day. However, my brain is not my ordinary friend. It would not give me rest, until I shut my eyes to sleep, not unless the other subconscious chamber (a real KJ by the way) feeds me with dreams, but that does not happen too often.
I have always been a deep person, a story comes by, and I do not just listen, my brain is constantly running and giving me some rounds of Q&A like how did an event come to be or how did a certain person come up with that kind of idea. I sometimes blurt out things a vast majority of peeps cannot understand. It is because I still put faith in the best and ideal for humanity, while some others seem to have lost that kind of belief. "You will know if you're good when you trust in the good," one song line says. I cannot find answers as to why some do not choose to do something better for themselves and for others while they actually can. I can argue but my Inner Core prevents me from doing so.
For all my life, I wanted peace and quietness. In the bustling streets of Manila, the things I am longing for may be a needle in a haystack. But hey, I can find some places to just be alone walking around the tranquil thoroughfares of San Nicolas under the moonlight; I can take advantage of the spaces where the peeps cannot interfere with my solitude... and there I think... and think... and think.
I can lose a lot of time thinking over what I see and hear, especially with the influx of data from socmed, my synapses are set in motion by the posts online. Right now, I do not find solace in the social media sites, that is why I am pretty much reserved with what I tell. The opinions are always in this Inner Core, and I really get to think multiple times if I am to let them to my Outer Layer and speak them out.
I am more willing to spend my time browsing Wikipedia, reading articles on Baidu (a Chinese site) and watching informational videos on YouTube to expand my understanding on both sides of the world. Certainly, I also watch stuffs that amuse me, albeit temporarily, before I get back to my usual business.
I always aspire to be more than just an educator. Don't get me wrong: I love sharing facts and ideas to the peeps, sometimes others feel that I am just being pedantic, but I genuinely do not have the intention of imposing them facts on others. (They can still look on their own and verify.) But my Inner Core is always yearning for some uniqueness in life and is constantly telling me to try something especially when all the ingredients in realizing them out are present. Being an ISTP person, I am "expected to be unexpected," so it is like spontaneity being present in my blood stream. If that spontaneity is not satisfied, my Inner Core is grieving somehow.
At times, I am not at peace with my Inner Core, and that triggers blame, discontentment, anger sometimes, and other not-so-pleasant thoughts. But when all the fireworks subside, I give some space for reflection. I try to make peace with myself, asking why these things do not go as I envisioned it to be. And reflection now involves a more supreme being, which is God. Oh, what comfort I get from Him every time my Inner Core is troubled, what peace I get whenever I tell Him of my anxieties and frustrations. I am also just a human being, and thankfully my Inner Core recognizes how to reset and how to rest on Him. That way my Inner Core is back to wholesomeness again.
This is the way my Inner Core manages the daily spikes and downfalls in my life. Whenever my Inner Core is activated every morning, though I am not knowing what it is to come in the next minute or hour, it is enough to be called a wonderful blessing.
