For the previous year-enders, you may click on the links below:
2021 - "Anticipating 2022 and Potentially Moving On"
2019 - "惊喜 (Don’t worry. This is an English blog entry.)" Part 1; from old blog
2019 - "惊喜 (Don’t worry. This is an English blog entry.)" Part 2; from old blog
For the first part of this blog series, click here.
So, you see, with my father's passing, I have a sufficient reason to conclude 2022 is indeed a shocking year.
But what I decided to ultimately do this year also sent some shockwaves to those who know me.
LEAVING THE ACADEME. I discovered my passion for teaching when I was in high school. I took my tutorials seriously, especially when I do Math review sessions for my classmates. It was voluntary, but I loved doing it. I was really committed to it and made sure that the topics were discussed clearly to them. As moral boost, I even gave them my prediction of their chances of passing the subject so that they can have the confidence to get through the Math exam.
There I proved I can be effective at teaching people. My dream to become a Mathematics teacher was cemented.
Soon after, there's a four-year all-expense-paid scholarship program that came to my attention in May 2009 (I was incoming fourth year high school). The ultimate goal of the scholarship is to obtain a bachelor's degree in Chinese education and be part of the Chinese education sector (which has long been in need of Chinese teachers) for five years. I consulted several peeple about it, and I eventually decided to accept its terms - to reiterate, to study for four years and teach for five years upon graduation. I knew it will bind me for at least nine years, but I accepted because at the minimum, it will fulfill my dreams to become a teacher.
Fast forward to 2014, the year of its fulfillment. The start of my teaching career. The first few months were good. My classroom management is good because I am generally strict while in class. I teach Chinese in the best way I could, with translations because that way all students can engage. In my class, the students are diverse: pure Chinese, pure Filipino and mixed-blooded. I focused on teaching Chinese to the latter two groups because naturally in a Chinese class setup, they need to be given more attention. I was glad when they were actually keeping up with the Chinese pupils. I was energized and inspired to do more because everything seemed good to me.
However, it was not all fun and games as I went on with this path. I felt several kinds of pressure and injustices. An example I cannot forget is that we had a "standardized test" (not HSK) wherein student's retention on the year-round Chinese lessons is tested. Among the four high school Chinese classes, mine averaged the lowest. I did not see it as a problem at first because the individual scores looked normal to me, those who usually excel got high scores, the others got what they deserve.
Then one of the other classes got a hundred percent passing rate, and the one with the lowest score got 80+ out of 100. I was shocked because I know the Chinese language capacity of those students. Aside from the native Chinese ones, the others were not even conversant in Mandarin, but these peeps got ridiculously good to excellent marks! You can contend with me, but I know clearly who among them can get high scores. The whole class getting passing marks? If it's not cheating, I don't know what sort of a miracle that is.
It hurt bigtime when the class adviser of that "perfect" class was given a round of applause, and my mind was like, "Really? What the hell?" I cannot believe they just applauded the results that is marred with massive cheating! After the results conference, I cried, not because I felt my students failed me, I am proud of them because I am certain they did the exam with honest intentions, but because I felt that was a travesty of our values as an institution.
Another thing that is in conflict with me being a Chinese teacher is my ethnicity. I am a full-blooded Filipino. When I entered the Chinese education sector, I genuinely thought this is not going to be an issue, since we're now in the post-modern era, but time can really unmask what is hidden beneath them peeple. I thought they are going to be more welcoming with the idea that Filipinos can step in and be involved in this area. However, it became clear to me, that Filipinos (also referred to as Huana 番仔, literal meaning "person not of our kind") are being considered by some peeple detriments to the implementation of Chinese curriculum. These peeple believe Filipino students are dragging down the overall quality of Chinese education.
...
This is the other time I sobbed while at work. I hated it. I despise that feeling of being discriminated here in my own country. I reflected at my intention why I chose this field. The native Chinese students do not need me, they learn the language at home and are actually fluent without us teaching them. I joined in this noble profession to help the mestizos, the mixed-blooded, the Huanas who like to learn Chinese. As a Filipino, I am a representative of the Huanas they are referring to. Had I known this "non-integration" idea will become part of my reality as a Chinese teacher, I should not have gotten myself into this career.
You should have known better, Joe. You should have known better.
These are just the tip of the iceberg of all the struggles I had as a Chinese educator. The passion I sowed in the early months and years did not reap the results I wanted because I felt I do not have enough support. My plans and aspirations all turned to waste. (I have a previous blog post on this.)
The pandemic school years exacerbated the already bad situation. I felt the students became more disinterested towards Chinese classes, of course, there are factors coming in that are not within my control, such as the number of class works they need to accomplish and the multiple distractions they have at home. Since Chinese classes are among the least of the students' priorities, we are always sidelined, and this I have to face on a regular basis. In 2021, patience went short and determination went nada, I just gave up hope and decided to stop being involved into this foolishness. I cannot accept more unbearable pressure. I cannot continue to see myself being undervalued.
Yes, it was as early as 2021, June 2021 to be exact, that I decided to call it quits.
I committed to finish school year 2021-2022 since it was already awkward to file resignation. Classes were due to start in July.
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| This was my seat in the office. Taken on my last day at school. |
I was literally counting the months and weeks leading to my last day at school and was increasingly getting excited about it. I am anticipating that fateful moment! (You can read my 2021 year-ender.) I discreetly filed my intention not to renew with the school January 2022, but the news of me leaving got leaked and spread like wildfire among the school alumni officers. In the following months, I joined in their small group meetings, they were encouraging me to dump my decision. I said I am carrying on with it, so in return, I got very negative opinions, ladies and gentlemen. In no time, I became an unpopular figure among them. I was an object of collective dissatisfaction. The only thing they lack to do is to say in my face, "You're such an ingrate."
I tried to explain my position, I don't want to do this anymore because I do not see myself growing in this field. In those eight years (five years mandatory service, I extended three more years because of my positive outlook towards my career at the time), the statements of support from the peeple I held with high regard were just words written in the sand. What kind of support shall I get if I continue? I have no assurance. Some were telling me, give us two more years, we'll do something. I asked them back, why take action only now? Also, since some Chinese peeps are apprehensive about Huanas like me in Chinese education, just find a Chinese person to do my job, so that the racial narrative may be put to silence.
I remember one quote from a Chinese reality show saying, "Nobody will take responsibility for the lost years of your youth. (没有人会对你失去的青春负责。)" True enough. Nobody is sorry for the eight years I spent with them, and I'm not expecting the peeple to be sorry. To be blunt about it, I think it is fair for me to declare I was robbed of my time, my plans and my aspirations.
In the final months at school, I got very stressed because my plan to have an orderly exodus was not happening. As a result, my physical and mental health were compromised, I got hypertension (at age 29!) and, a lot of peeps do not know this, there were nights that I just suddenly turn emotional and cry.
I do not understand the need for me to defend my intention to leave. Don't I have the right to work for another company? In all aspects, whether financial, cultural, moral or legal, I am clear to leave. People, international law guarantees our freedom to choose an occupation. No one can force you to stay, as long as you are clear.
I was steadfast and continued with my plan to exit by May 2022. And by the grace of God, I succeeded and landed a job as a Mandarin customer service representative in Ortigas right after my last day at school.
The career change I had this year was a pretty big challenge. It required an enormous deal of courage to face it. From teacher to call center agent, from academe to corporate, from dayshift to nightshift, from walking to work to taking multiple rides. I am stepping on an uncharted territory. What an adjustment I had, peeple!
I honestly thought I will grow old in the academe. I was determined to share knowledge and my experiences to peeple for years and decades to come. It's such a shame I was not able to do it because of the limitations and politics of Chinese education. If you were to ask me about a teaching comeback, heck no. #NeverAgain. That's enough tea for me. I can utilize another platform to spread what I know, like this blog. I don't want to be confined in the four walls of a classroom to do just that.
In one of my job interviews, the interviewer asked why I did not choose to go to another school to continue teaching instead of quitting my education career altogether, I told him I cannot do that because, first, I still honor the school that I worked for, it is my Alma Mater, it is against my conscience to go to a competitor school in order to "avenge" myself; second, the Chinese education sector is small, for sure teachers and administrators from other schools knew about my decision, but because most likely I'm the antagonist in the versions of stories peeple spread, they certainly would not want me to work with them; lastly, all Chinese schools are the same, what I experienced in the past may likely be repeated in the next.
CONCLUSION. As I draw 2022 to an end, let me share with you my realizations for the year: courage is just a word unless willfulness comes into play. For courage to be justified, we need to take action. The courage I gathered to face the reality of my father's death and to hurdle over the barriers of my career change is nothing if I did not have the willingness to make something happen. I know what lies ahead are all undefined, but with courage, we shall resolve to do what's right; with courage, we shall endure to fight for what's right; with courage, we shall take the chance to create what's right.
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